There are times when I said I would break off my entire relationship with her. I also said in my last post that it was my final hurdle. Maybe I was wrong...somewhat. Actually, I don't think I can't live without her, but the thing is... it's really hard to forget about her or not interact with her. She's living in the same house as me, in fact directly above my room, maintaining a distant and cold attitude towards her would be unbecoming of me. There are two ways I could have resolved this: keep a distance and maintain a friendly relationship or go and have a complicated relationship with her. I chose the latter for many reasons. One of the reasons would be that I would enjoy our 'complicatedness' and if anything ugly happens between us I would be able to break off the relationship unscathed. In fact, I feel like I am able to treat her as badly or as nice as I want to. I no longer feel the burden of her commands and orders... I would simply ignore them. I no longer have the urge to sacrifice time or effort for her. Yet, I want to maintain this kind of relationship with her, why? I think partly because I feel like I am using this to MY advantage and partly because I don't really want to 'enter' into another relationship until I graduate in 7 months time. To be honest, I just want to stay with her as long as possible before I make my transition to move on after graduation, and honestly, I believe 100% that this transition period will be extremely smooth without any problems. I don't really feel like I truly love her. I feel like I just want to take this relationship was far as possible without really thinking about maintaining a relationship with her at all once we part ways. I probably never loved her that much...